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A Very Realistic Video Game Simulation Of Mayweather vs Mc. Gregor. Boxing legend Floyd Mayweather and UFC megastar Conor Mc. Gregor are gonna “fight” in August. Since it’s a boxing match, Mayweather will almost certainly beat Mc.

Gregor bloody and then use Mc. Gregor’s hair to mop up his own bodily fluids. To alleviate that inevitable disappointment and test the two fighters’ true skills, I put on a series of better fights. In a pro wrestling video game.

Since this whole Mayweather vs Mc. Gregor thing is just an excuse for an absurdly lucrative media circus—much of which went down this week during a four- day multinational promo tour in which Mayweather and Mc. Gregor yelled at each other, threw money around, and Mc. Gregor delivered some extremely questionable opinions about race—I decided to go as big as possible with my fights. I wanted to see who’d fare better against the best fighters ever conceived. Only one video game could offer me the sort of roster I needed: Fire Pro Wrestling World, which came out on Steam a few days ago and already has over 3,0.

I went through all of them to select Mayweather and Mc. Gregor’s opponents. I decided both would run the same gauntlet of larger- than- life circus fights. Whoever fared better—even if they lost every fight—would be declared the winner.

I also had to choose between multiple Mayweathers and Mc. Gregors, because of course multiple people have taken cracks at making two of the most well- known fighters on Earth.

In order to do this with as much scientific rigor as possible, I matched each version of Mayweather and Mc. Gregor against each other in hopes that one pairing would produce the sort of fight most people are expecting from the two. Thanks to Fire Pro Wrestling’s complex AI logic system, which allows people to assign percentage chances that fighters will use specific moves in all sorts of different scenarios, I came away with a Mayweather and Mc. Gregor who fought remarkably similarly to their real- life counterparts. Mayweather punched, clinched, covered, evaded, and frustrated.

Mc. Gregor flew forward with knees and kicks, seemingly possessed by a primal hunger to land his big left hand—but he also looked like a pale ghost of himself after a couple hard rounds. That’s when I knew I had my very good wrestle boy robots based on not very good punch men. So there’s my methodology.

Now onto the fights. First Opponent: Goku. Goku from Dragon Ball Z is probably the most powerful fighter in all of anime, though forum debates on that subject rage to this day and will undoubtedly persist after we’re all dead. Obviously, though, Mayweather and Mc. Gregor had to duke it out with the man who once yelled so loud that he grew several additional six packs. Mayweather vs Goku. Summary: Goku beats down Mayweather but eventually wears himself out.

Mayweather taunts every chance he gets while jabbing the crap out of Goku. Mayweather obsessively uppercuts Goku in the back and butt, only to succumb to exhaustion himself. Goku then hoists Mayweather into the air and slams him, leading to a pin. Boss Gt 8 Editing Software. Result: Goku wins by “Spirit Bomb” (a power bomb into a pin) after 1.

Mc. Gregor vs Goku. Summary: Mc. Gregor overwhelms Goku early and nearly wins with ground .

Mc. Gregor misses a spin kick, as is his way, and looks to be so tired that he can barely stand. Goku starts wailing on him. Then, out of nowhere, Mc.

Gregor uncorks a left hand the size of his own ego and Goku eats dirt. Result: Mc. Gregor wins by come- from- behind “holy shit” KO after nine minutes and 3. Overall winner: Mc. Gregor. Mc. Gregor won’t shut up about what would happen if he was duking it out with Mayweather in an MMA fight instead of a boxing match, so I figured we ought to contest this on neutral territory: a street fight. The first rule of street fighting is that there are no rules—which is why fireballs made of spirit energy are allowed—so I decided to toss Mayweather and Mc. Gregor in with multiple characters from Street Fighter.

At the same time. Mayweather vs Balrog, Mika, Guile, and Ryu. Summary: Balrog is a goddamn giant, but Mayweather holds his own and forces Balrog to tag in Guile. Mayweather beats down Guile and Ryu at the same time, but then they tag in Mika, who absolutely styles on Floyd with every pro wrestling move in the book. Balrog returns and finishes the job by casually standing on Mayweather—who is basically dead. Result: Street Fighter characters win by pin after nine minutes and 5.

Mc. Gregor vs Balrog, Mika, Guile, and Ryu. Summary: Mc. Gregor comes out aggressive and backs up Balrog and Ryu with a series of withering kicks and knees. Guile gives him some trouble, but then Guile tags in Mika, and Mc. Gregor goes into Irish berserker mode against both of them.

Mc. Gregor actually lands a spin kick, something that has never happened in real life, but finds himself exhausted afterward. Mika and Ryu knock him out of the ring and grab a steel chair. Unbelievably, Mc. Gregor fends off their dual- pronged strike and even manages to nearly submit Guile. Unfortunately for him, Balrog—who is somehow bigger than the largest man on earth, Nate Diaz—lumbers back into the ring and boxes Mc. Gregor into a pulp. He then pins him the same way he submitted Mayweather, casually smirking all the while.

Result: Street Fighter characters win by pin after 1. Overall winner: Mc. Gregor. Didn’t Mayweather vs Mc. Gregor basically already happen in 2. Rocky Balboa, which was bad?

Even then, though, Rocky—the scruffy, odds- defying god of underdogs—is impossible to dislike, which makes him a perfect foil for Mayweather and Mc. Gregor. Also, he’s the best- known fictional boxer in existence, so I didn’t really have a choice here. Mayweather vs Rocky Balboa. Summary: Rocky bloodies Mayweather with a single punch, which doesn’t bode well for Mayweather’s chances. Mayweather fights hard, clinching and moving like his training regimen mostly consisted of watching the ballroom scene from Beauty And The Beast repeatedly, but he’s a bloody mess. Eventually, Rocky tires, and Mayweather turns the tide. He starts taunting and landing hard combos.

But then the tide turns again, and Rocky begins body slamming Mayweather from the top ropes. Then the tide turns a third time, and Mayweather lays into Rocky, who is so exhausted that light gusts are bowling him over.

By this point, however, nearly 2. I realize I should set a time limit for these things, because these guys seem incapable of finishing each other.

Result: Draw after 2. Mc. Gregor vs Rocky Balboa. Summary: Despite his aggression, Mc.

Gregor gets pieced up on the feet early. He starts using takedowns and clinches to even the odds and ends up bloodying Rocky with ground . Everybody knows you should never bloody Rocky, though, because that makes him more powerful. Rocky pours on the pressure, and Mc.

Gregor looks exhausted. Then, out of nowhere, he takes Rocky down and submits him with a rear- naked choke, because Fire Pro Wrestling World has grown sentient and developed a sense of humor about the whole Nate Diaz thing. Result: Mc. Gregor wins by submission after eight minutes and 3. Overall winner: Draw. Basically, it’s the fate of every beloved figure who starts out innocent and pure in the public eye. A decent amount of coverage coming from this week’s Mayweather vs Mc.

Gregor promo tour has centered on Mc. Gregor’s racially charged remarks and antics in response to those accusations, and Mayweather’s reputation is far from spotless, so you know, if the shoe fits. He goes to hell for this, where he is immediately elected king.

Result: Milkshake Duck wins by submission after nine minutes and 2. Mc. Gregor vs Milkshake Duck. Summary: Milkshake Duck, who is a fucking monstrosity with bowling balls for hands and a beak made out of taco shells, nearly murders Mc. Gregor too, but—because karmic justice is not real, even in video games—we regret to inform you that Mc.